Forleden på morgengåturen lyttede jeg til en episode af Brené Browns podcast Unlocking Us. En samtale med Edith Eger om hendes liv, hendes værdier og tilgang som psykolog – og ikke mindst bogen The Gift. Som jeg med det samme fik lyst til at læse. Det er en bog, som viser, hvor stærkt et værktøj sprog og kommunikation er, når vi vil forandre os selv og verden. En bog, som viser, hvor stærke mennesker er, også når skæbnen slår så hårdt, den overhovedet kan komme i tanker om. Det er en bog om at (lære at) elske sig selv, om at få det bedste ud af livet og om at lære at navigere i livet uanset, hvad skæbnen byder én. Jeg kan varmt kan anbefale dig at læse eller lytte til Edith Eger.
Her får du de 11 af bogens bedste citater:
- Much of our suffering stems from our misconception that we can’t be loved and genuine—that if we are to earn others’ acceptance and approval, we must deny or hide our true selves.
- Releasing ourselves from victimhood also means releasing others from the roles we’ve assigned them.
- I didn’t know it then, but we disable our children when we take away their suffering. We teach them that feelings are wrong or scary. But a feeling is only a feeling. There’s no right or wrong. There’s just my feeling and yours. We are wiser not to try to reason others out of their feelings or try to cheer them up. It’s better to allow their feelings and keep them company, to say, “Tell me more.” To resist saying what I used to tell my children when they were upset because someone had teased or excluded them: “I know how you feel.” It’s a lie. You can’t ever know how someone else feels. It’s not happening to you. To be empathetic and supportive, don’t take on other people’s inner life as if it is your own. That’s just another way of robbing others of their experience—and of keeping them stuck.
- I like to remind my patients: the opposite of depression is expression. What comes out of you doesn’t make you sick; what stays in there does.
- One of the first questions I ask patients is, “When did your childhood end?” When did you start protecting or taking care of someone else? When did you stop being yourself, and start filling a role?
- When a relationship is strained, it’s not one person’s fault.
- I’d been teaching psychology at a high school in El Paso for a few years—and had even been awarded teacher of the year—when I decided to return to school for a master’s in educational psychology. One day my clinical supervisor came to me and said, “Edie, you’ve got to get a doctorate.” I laughed. “By the time I get a doctorate I’ll be fifty,” I said.
“You’ll be fifty anyway.”
- When we talk as though we’re forced or obligated or incapable, that’s how we’re going to think, which means that’s also how we’ll feel, and consequently, how we’ll behave. We become captives to fear: I need to do this, or else; I want to do that, but I can’t. To free yourself from the prison, pay attention to your language. Listen for the I can’t, the I’m trying, the I need to, and then see if you can replace these imprisoning phrases with something else: I can, I want, I’m willing, I choose. This is the language that empowers us to change.
- I’m all for positive thinking, but it goes nowhere unless it’s followed by positive action
- if you’re perfectionistic, you’re going to procrastinate, because perfect means never.
- It doesn’t take courage to strive for perfection. It takes courage to be average. To say, “I’m okay with me.” To say, “Good enough is good enough.”